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And so we begin again

This time last year, I was beginning a week-long meditation retreat.  As I look back at that time, I can see the rapid decline of my health that was to come shortly thereafter.  The space of that retreat also mirrored the space that was soon to come to fruition in my life.  In that retreat,…

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HUMIRA, or, my choiceless choice

I sat in the nurse practitioner’s office knowing that the results of my colonscopy were not going to be good.  I had been vaguely conscious toward the end of the procedure, and heard the doctor comment that he wanted her to see these results, that the inflammation was bad.  I didn’t remember much of this…

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In the Retelling: Healing through Story

I notice myself telling the story again and again: “I was really sick this summer.  I lost 20 pounds in about a week.”  I don’t say it to be dramatic.  I am not looking for some kind of pity or even sympathy.  After hearing this come out of my mouth over and over, and being…

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Letting go of self hatred

Sometimes, we are wise enough to recognize when life is handing us something to free us of long-held patterns.  Sometimes, we circle around for years only to find ourselves where we started, at which point, we walk the same path until we have found what we need there and are ready to walk in a…

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Mud, buds, and connection

Awaiting the budding of trees, boots caked with dried mud from the last woods walk to see what was sprouting, I sit inside remembering the feeling of summer on my skin.  Early in the morning, the birds are lively outside, their songs pulling me out of sleep.  The tree outside my office is showing the…

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Awaiting the Return of Spring

Through the snow, the slush, and the grey skies, our bodies are attuning to the flowing sap, the mud softening under our feet, and the flashy promise of spring’s return.  It’s hard to see through the 5 foot snow banks, ground blanketed in soft, white snow, but it’s there, calling.  The robins feel it, the…

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Late January walk

The crows were raucous as I walked through the woods this afternoon, feeling the cold on my face and the sun warming me through my coat.  It was warmer than it has been in days, but when I walked on the leaves in the woods, trying to follow the sound of the crows, my crackling…